Better than Fine

February 20, 2025

"How are you? How was school today?" you ask, every day. "I'm fine," your child answers. "It was fine."

Of course they say "fine." They always say "fine." If a troop of llamas had rampaged through the cafeteria at lunchtime, they'd answer your question with that same flat monosyllable. I've idly wondered whether kids have some brain chemical that activates every weekday at 3 pm and erases any useful details from the previous 6 hours.

To be serious, though: It's not surprising kids struggle to talk about feelings—adults do, too. Emotions can be hard to name, even to ourselves. Last week, writer Kate Welshofer's latest column introduced me to the How We Feel app (download it on iPhone & Android). Developed by scientists at the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence, it helps people identify and track their emotions using a simple color-coded system. Seeing this mapped out over time makes something invisible and often fleeting suddenly visible and easier to think about.

Kate was writing for adults, but I realized the How We Feel app could be a great tool for helping kids learn the precise language for identifying complicated feelings. Kids engage more when learning feels like a game; using the app together can make emotional awareness a natural, low-stress habit. Each time you open it, they'll pick a color that fits their mood—no need to struggle for the right words. Over time, you can spot patterns together: Do tests bring out red? Are weekends mostly yellow? Recognizing these trends helps kids make sense of emotions naturally. 'Fine' might evolve to the more informative 'peaceful,' 'joyful,' or 'upbeat,' or perhaps to 'uneasy,' 'bored,' or 'stressed.'

And maybe, one day, when you ask how school was, your child will pause, reflect, and say, "It was a nuanced blend of yellow and green with subtle hints of blue, like an emotionally complex artisanal cheese." And honestly, at that point, you’ll kind of miss "fine."

—Deb